Thursday 31 March 2011

Some novel eating implements

Dwarvish Eating Knife - "A simple Dwarvish Eating Implement"

 Fragment # 1

 "A simple Dwarvish Eating Implement - From The Draran, home of Ok's Western Rebels

- A two movement eating meathod is employed - 1. Chop; 2.Skewer.

The other hand is left free to rest upon the axe in the belt.

They use flat slabs of wood.

These ancient rebels of the long extinct empire have not really developed much, being as xenophobicly superstitious as their forebears and completely surrounded by supposedly haunted forests of the interior of the Free Lands.  I was treated roughly, and only escaped with the aid of my anthropological knowledge of ancient Dwarvish superstitions - ie I lied through my teeth. This is the advantage of being in an isolationist enclave - They all think like each other and have no experience of thinking any other way.  This eating knife was also used in my escape. I think the Dwarve would have survived, though he may now be blind in one eye."

Elvish Eating Implements from Nanth Gaer

Fragment # 2

"Nanth Gaer, the capital of Gaer, is, of course, a sham. Its soul purpose is to provide a focal point for the diplomatic and military efforts of its neighbors. Its 'parliament' is made up of elected representatives of each of the Elvish tribes who can be bothered.

It is, however, a good sham. And to keep up the appearance of a modern sophisticated city some outrageous parodies of the etiquette of her neighbors can be observed. A good example of this is the current eating implement employed.

Most of Gaer eat using their fingers, as they have always done. Soup is avoided, and drinks are taken from fluted beakers. A normal knife is sometimes employed. In Nanth Gaer it is different - here they place little leather and silver sheaths on the ends of their fingers and employ dainty skewers in the off-hand.  This gives the illusion of great finesse, while allowing the Elves to eat food easily. Hugely complicated rules are employed in feasts dictating how and when and which one to use for each course.  Reproving and disdainful glances are shot at those Humans or Dwarves in attendance who fail in this knowledge.  They have not, of course, been informed of the latest etiquette dreamed up by the council specifically dedicated to such useful illusions of civilization. This always puts the Elves at an advantage and sets their diplomatic 'guests' on edge.

I, of course, saw through the show within an hour of setting foot in this eccentric 'capital city', but it is amazing how easily the simplistic minds of the aristocrat can be befuddled by such pompous buffoonery seemingly for months on end."

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